random

sometimes things are just so dumb.
its so much easier to just zone out and not have to deal with it.
since i have seen more things i no longer feel like i have the capacity to deal with it nor the time for that matter.
is it wrong that all i want to do is just get out?
i have reached a stage in my life where if i was like this than i would despise myself.
now i just dun feel a sense of belonging or the need to do it.
now so more than ever i feel like i have to escape
my mind wanders around the world and lingers by the river, the beach, under a tree in the park.
such calming moments.
and it stays there.
refusing to accept the heat the torture and monoteny
but i know that despite all i have a Saviour.
the one who plans out my life
the one who charts out a map and
He too will cause my feet to walk down the path that is best.

i'm so glad i have moved on.
in many ways i feel much older
but deep within me i wonder if the jadedness still lingers.
the jadedness from seven years ago?
i doubt so i hope not.
i just can't seem to find the radiance to dazzle and impress me anymore nor the curiousity nor the mental activity.
am i tired?
ok this is such a vague post.
good nite.