i miss usa.
back hurt over the weekend so badly that i could barely move around properly.
horrible.
i remember when i was young i walked out of the toilet slipped and feell. nearly slid all the way down the stairs.
some days are kind but others are nightmares.
the only thing that keeps me sane is that i don't intentionally go and break rules or kill pple bla bla bla so i should not be paranoid about some pple banning me from clinic because they don't like my face
seriously that way any little wrong can go a loong way
on the other hand i fantasize about sleeping in and all the things that i can do.
but paying another 40000? for six months is not quite worth it?
dunnoe.
sometimes i think this is my worst decision in life.
and than i htink of the guys i used to date
than i think that i made way worst mistakes before.
haha.
oh well.
whats the past shall remain there.

i used to get nightmares once when ex was stalking me.
waiting for me at all the probable places.
freaky.
dun even know how to react?

went to dover park hospice its a nice place
very comfortable
respect the people who volunteer there
even though all is serene there
the place gives me a sense that there is an inner battle there
confusion and all.
really sad and depressing
dealing is death is so difficult for me
i'm just not comfortable with emotions sometimes
i wish logic can always override everything
like when you die would you miss everyone more before your last breaths
i dunnoe in your last days say you know you are going to die will you feel sad knowing you are going?
strange thoughts.
life.

back to school

the day after i came back from usa i went back to school to do fyp
glad that i had the two weeks break
la jolla cove was really heaven for me
the ocean view from the balcony
and big branded shops behind along with the nice restaurants.
bliss.
why must i come back?
prospect st was really amazing.
and i love small towns.
nice nice nice.

open grass fields vast oceans with clear water and sea cretures
nice art gallaries at the turn of every street
the yummiest cake i evere ate
just the freedom
no schdules
no pts to call
no things to keep track of
no competencies to take
no planning who to bring in what to do
no scoldings for ridiculous things

what the hell am i doing
such torture!!!
got a really bad backache =(

on anothe note
went to buko nero yesterday for lunch cause that was the best we could get
didn't book early enough even though we book a month early
no pictures allowed. lol
so no food porn
took the lunch set
25+ each
reasonable i guess
starters:
1. melone with muscelin salad and lime juice mustard seeds were also added 3/5
2. corn soup with sea scallops nice amt of crack pepper to complement it with a chinese touch of spring onions 4/5
mains:
1. friend pork fillet in wine reduction with asparagus and mashed potatoes and cherry tomatoes 4/5
2. spicy shell pasta with salmond that was minced and acted like meet sauce. unusual but salmon does not rock my boat 3/5
desert:
1. peach shebet - homemade 3/5 nice but not more than that
2. almond cake with caramel sauce 4/5 almond was not in the cake but chopped andsprinkled on top nice bite
hmm... i dunnoe its very friendly food but nothing that i must go so far and book so early in advance for? maybe the face that i am eating it after all that super delicious italian food i had in la jolla (ladolcevita) so my expectations were raised. tau kwa tower costs a whooping 17.50 maybe when i start working and feel too rich i'll make a month and a half advance reservation for dinner.
and i forgot to mention the appetizer. maybe cuase it doesn't deserve one. mascapone with eggwhite and blended tuna wiht tomato salsa which i did not taste a hint of. the blended tuna tasted like the can type. the thing was like a quice without flavour. just didn't work for me.
but the company was awesome so it made the whole meal special not to include it was one of the rare times we dressed up. =)
the tomato focaccia was delicious though.
the highlight was prob the deserts.